It was Friday morning. We woke early, piled in the car and made the trek to Madison. It was time for Sammy’s consult with Dr. Shiu. As I watched Sammy limp into the office, I prayed for relief. Relief for us both.
While we waited for Dr. Shiu, I prayed he’d say Sammy had an injury and not cancer. I prayed he’d say it was something other than osteosarcoma – anything else. It took only moments for the original diagnosis to be confirmed, then the if/then options came. Amputation if the cancer had not spread. Palliative care if it had. The options for palliative care – radiation, bone strengthening, chemotherapy, pain medication.
I’m a person who in crisis needs as many details as possible to process next steps. As Dr. Shiu spoke, I peppered him with questions. While my head and heart were spinning, I was certain of one thing – any decision about Sammy’s care was mine. Dr. Shiu and his team were not there to tell me what to do. I wasn’t obligated to a particular treatment protocol. I could (and would) do only what was best for Sammy to care for her physically and emotionally.
We decided on three procedures for that day – a biopsy for an additional confirm of osteosarcoma and put Mom’s data-loving mind at ease, a CT scan to determine if there was metastasis in Sammy’s lungs, and a bone strengthening treatment called Zoledronate. Zoledonrate would be administered while Sammy was under for her biopsy.
Sammy happily headed back with the staff and I distracted myself with errands. I was putting an incredible amount of trust in this team. Although I was nervous and uncertain about so much, I knew we would have a better sense of where this cancer was and support the bone that was causing so much pain.
I received a call that Sammy was ready to go home. I rushed to the clinic, eager for information. Dr. Shiu had pulled cells for the biopsy, the results of which we’d have in a few days. He invited me back to his desk to review the CT scan. He did not see any obvious lung mets, but we’d know more after a radiologist reviewed the CT. Until then, we’d see how the bone strengthening treatment worked and increase one of Sammy’s pain medication.
I left that day feeling settled. Not calm but settled. There were still a few things we didn’t know. Once we had the CT results back and biopsy confirmation we could confidently choose her care. I met some amazing people in the medical staff and others who were at the clinic waiting for their appointments. I felt like I was part of a family. A family that would have my back. A family that understood. A family that held a badge of honor that none of us wanted but wore proudly.
That night at home as Sammy settled in, I knew I would do for Sammy what was in her best interest. I felt Sammy and I were closer than ever. That Sammy knew I would do anything for her. That her trust in me was stronger than ever. That I was stronger than ever. And stronger than I ever knew.